So apparently, according to my handy dandy app, we have made it to that magical point in our pregnancy where no matter what, my doctors will do everything possible to save my baby if she is born prematurely. I think my thoughts on this fact deserve a whole different (and probably controversial) blog post. But, being "halfway" through this process, I do have some thoughts and candid confessions about this whole pregnancy thing so far.
One thing that I discussed with Jared before we decided we were going to start a family was that I didn't want to get pregnant because you put your life on "hold" due to the nature of being pregnant. No roller coasters. No alcohol. No hot tubs. No super long hikes in the wilderness with a heavy backpack. No running (due to the extreme heat of Texas summer...I still walk plenty). No travel after 30-something weeks. I think you get the picture.
I went to go try on a dress just now for an event we are having in our Children's Ministry and it didn't fit AT ALL. We finished our registry but have just scratched the surface of getting the nursery done. I'm watching the D23 expo vicariously through Facebook wondering when the next time I can go back to the parks will be. I'm planning my work schedule and my holiday schedule around an arbitrary date this child might decide to join us.
All in all, I feel like I'm in limbo. Waiting for this big life changing moment to come and planning my life around it. Can't do this, can't do that. And I'm very prone to getting depressed about all the things I CAN'T do (if you used to read my Kings Daughter and Pilot's Wife blog, I've elaborated on that for a while).
So, in the spirit of growing up and learning to mature, I've tried to change that mindset. I get depressed because I get impatient and I believe the lie that God's timing is always way too long. But God has a purpose in every season. This time is to prepare. I need to do all that I can to prepare for this child that God has placed in my responsibility. Obviously, we need the time to get the nursery done. But we also need the time to prepare our hearts and minds to what it will take to raise this tiny person to love the Lord her God with all her heart. Sure, I won't be backpacking in the mountains in the next few months. But I will be able to hammock and read about "how to burp a baby" among other skills needed to keep her alive (joking...joking!...but really...).
If you are in any position of "limbo" in life I hope that you focus on the things that God is preparing you for and not on the things you "can't" do yet. It's amazing how this shift in perspective will shift your emotions to the positive!